**note to readers- some of what you may read below my sound like im smart, like i have some kind of wisdom. rest assured, that is not the case. most of what you will read below is what i paraphrase from a commentary ive been reading. lol.**
I havent posted much lately. i dont have internet at my house, so i walk down to my moms to use the computer. sometimes, i think of stuff i wanna post, but just dont have the time to get it done! ive had stuff bouncing round in my head all week. 
a friend gave me the verses romans 7 14-25 to look into. they have really helped. you may recognize them if you read them. they are the ones where paul is talking about the two different natures in him, the old and the new. he talks about how he desires to do good, but then cant seem to. how the flesh keeps taking over, that old nature. i must admit. it just doesnt seem possible the me that THE Paul of the bible had any such struggle, but i suppose he was human just like the rest of us. it just seems to me like he was way stronger than that… but i guess the bible doesnt give us his whole life story.
anyways, i am getting off-track! i wanted to look deeper into these verses, so i began reading a commentary on them. it went on to describe how when we are born again, we recieve a new nature. unfortunatly, we still have our old nature to deal with. when we sin, that is our old nature-aka our flesh. our flesh will always be flesh, nothing more. it is our new nature that will grow and change. our new nature will not sin. (i confess, this was a new concept to me. never really thought of it that way.) it is the old nature. so i began to question myself. why then why does it seem like a lot of the time, the flesh is running the show??? and then that little voice said, ” who do you feed the most??” aaahhhhhh. gotcha. i am sure you’ve all heard that story. the old indian chief says it feels like 2 spirits are at war in him. when the missionary asks which one wins, he says the one i feed the most.
another thing that i learned, or i guess just reiterated to myself was that all i try to do on my own, in my flesh, would never work. everytime i try to live for the Lord in my own power… bam! flat on my face. everytime you join a commitee, teach a class, do whatever it is you may do, but you do it on your on power- its useless to God. what He wants is for me to live in the spirit. to make my desisions in accordance with His will. to start each day with Him. to parent in His spirit. to clean in His spirit. to be a wife in His spirit. to be a friend, a choir member, a sister, a daughter, do my checkbook and spend the money in His spirit.
so, that is what i am gonna strive for. i think reading what i did really put things in a new perspective for me. i think if a believer doesnt really get that she/he has an old nature still to deal with, that there is an evil (satan) still present, trying his best to trip you up, then they are in for an exhausting battle. i need to understand both sides, so i can learn to deal accordingly. i hope maybe this helps someone else.
*ch. 7 just keeps going right into ch. 8, so i may find some new stuff in there to share. we’ll see!
